Thursday, July 17, 2014

Delicate ears.......beware

Let’s think about this for just a moment. Obviously we have yet to think about it for even a second. Or else we would not be in the indeterminate state we are in with our education standards. I warned you. It’s like swearing around children. If it’s something your precious ears cannot bear to hear, put your hands over your ears like pretend ‘ear muffs’. Not that we swear at all around here but you get my drift. Our current situation in the education system has become quite scandalous. We have parents on television, in newspapers and on social media outlets showing homework pages to the nation. Endeavoring to get there state to rescind the laws recently enacted regarding a federally mandated curriculum. We also have educators, former educators and county and state officials being barraged by endless letters, calls and personal visits, with a similar task at hand. Divest our state of Common Core. This has become the most popular political education topic to hit stay at home moms since the ‘all the kids are too fat because of school cafeteria food’ debacle of 2012. Sheesh folks, we have to find some new material. Let me tell you a short story. Humor me.

So let’s pretend for just a moment that you have done the same job, with some advancement in technology and procedure along the way, with the same expectations of you for the last 5 years. You’ve seen the same co-workers for the same duration of time. You’ve eaten lunch at the same deli across the street four days a week because of Friday all the staff eats out together at that little Mexican place downtown. Once every few months there is a training meeting to keep everyone fresh and up to date on software upgrades and new building expansion projects. So on a nice warm August day, you go into work. Everything seems like a regular day. But as the month pushes forward and the fall becomes winter, you began feeling like you’re being criticized by your superiors for your work. The same work you’ve always done, if not better because you’ve been really focused lately, but nonetheless, you are not performing well. You request a meeting with your supervisor. At the meeting, your supervisor brings his colleague from across the hall, the CEO of the business and a Human Resources Administrator. As you sit in the room, quite uncomfortable, not knowing it was a full on staff meeting, you begin to speak. You ask questions about the recent denigration of your work and ask, while taking notes, ways you might improve your production. You assert that you feel you have put forth extraordinary efforts, not only this last quarter, but in all quarters preceding. And after you feel you argued your relevance and quality to the ‘team’ sitting before you, the Human Resources Administrator says to you, “We have changed the way we are doing things here. We expect something different from you from now on. As a matter of fact, the new program has been on effect for over a year and you really are not excelling at it. And we have been scoring you on your performance and putting it into your permanent employment record. And we have to say, it’s looking bleak.” Then your immediate supervisor chimes in with “I have had to learn the new procedures myself. And while I find them trying and a little unorthodox, it is the rule now. We are going to have to test your ability to continue on the career path you have laid before you. We are going to see if you know enough about the new procedure to consider you for promotion. If you fail to meet the requirements, it’s okay. We can offer you some extra training 3 nights a week for the next six months. You won’t be paid for it. You won’t have any less work to do at home or during the day, but we are confident that you will manage it somehow.”  So you sit, stunned. How could this have happened? There was no interoffice memo. No staff meeting. Did you simply fall asleep all day for the last 12 months and not know it? So, the CEO hands you a written test, part of which is in Mandarin, because well, fluency in Mandarin is now required. So you take the employment exam. You clearly fail, as you’ve never spoken Mandarin a day in your life, and you are offered choices. Stay after work for 2 hours 3 days a week for a year, and do the exact same job you’ve been doing, but hopefully it will somehow be better work than before, or you can transfer downstairs to the mail room, but just until they think you are intelligent enough to absorb the new procedures, without having been shown the manual. When asked by the others demoted to the mailroom “What are you in for?” You simply answer “For doing exactly what I supposed to, or used to....?”

Can you imagine that our children might feel quite the same way? Confused. Incapable. Concerned. Fearful of failure. I imagine they do to an infinite degree.

Back to the READY initiative, or the Common Core Standard, as most of you have heard it called. In the recent months, parents, educators and community leaders have been fighting to get out from under the federal mandate for standardized testing. A mandate we, meaning our lawmakers, agreed to adopt and abide by in our state. Each state had a choice whether or not to participate but if you didn’t choose to play on the playground with the new “In” crowd, then you didn’t get the Race to the Top money. So you had to pay to play. The program development started sometime back in 2008. Yet the implementation of the standards began during the 2012-13 school year. And it has had sizzling attention to put it lightly.

As a mom, I get it. I am doing the homework. Watching the grades fall. Seeing the child confused and crying. I am confused and crying. So on and so forth. But in other news, according to some garb on the web, North Carolina is well on her way to make some serious alterations to the recent change in curriculum. The senate and house don’t yet agree on what the final result will be but major modifications are expected. Whether or not we completely negate the initiative or make radical changes to it, parents, educators and most importantly, students should, in theory, feel the effects of recovery by the 2015-16 school year.

So here’s the thing. While educators, community and political leaders are beating this dead horse, the kids are still suffering through this nonsense. As to not start an all-out war here, I say nonsense in reference to the confusion and discord among our individual schools and districts. School boards are meeting, parents are coming to public town meetings with a mouthful to say (go moms!) and the children are dumbfounded. They are dazed about the buzz surrounding their daily routine. Let’s think about it people. Our children spent nearly a full work days’ time at school each day and all week long. The relationship between a child and their school environment could be related to an adult’s relationship with their work environment. How many of you would say that your job or workplace accounts for at least half of your identity, or your overall personal development? I think most would say that spending 40 hours a week at a job, especially a job that you have spent 5-10 years at, would have some kind of bearing on your personal growth. So let’s put this into perspective for the child. The child attends, most likely, the same school for at least several years in a row, with probably 70% of the students they began the earliest year with and sees likely the same staff, with little turnover rate. Cafeteria staff, janitorial staff, library attendants, office administrators and bus drivers are the faces the child interacts with each day for a period of potentially years. Children are very resilient but they are also very supple and pliable little creatures. They are easily built up and just as easily torn down. The children feel like failures because they are struggling with the work. They are, quite suddenly, not good enough. They need tutoring, extra homework, more instructional time and still, they are not excelling as they once were. I’m not saying we shouldn’t increase the standard by which our youth are expected to grow and learn. I’m just saying, when did you tell the kids that their world was changing? Did we inform them of the policy changes and offer support through this most difficult of transitions? I speak personally now. My child didn’t know. I was caught by surprise. Halfway through a school year my bright over achieving child became a low self-esteem poorly performing child that wondered what she had done wrong to receive such low grades on her work. And all she can say is “I did what I supposed to, or used to....” R a n t O v e r.

(On louderspeaker) “Kindly exit this ride to the right and those of you who wore ear muffs to protect your delicate ears, place them in the tub. I’m not going to tell you where it is. It's not where it once was. It has been moved. I tell you this now, after the fact. It is up to you to figure out where it is. And there will be a test on it.”

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Great expectations

So you ever just feel like you’ve wasted yourself? I can definitely relate to that feeling. It’s an awkward gnawing feeling deep in your gut that convinces you that you, somehow, have managed to fail yourself. You’ve created expectations in your mind of what you’ll do for a living, what volunteerism you’ll participate in, what trips you will take overseas and which language you might learn as a second, and I mean fluently, not babbling a few popular phrases. Well, if you’re anything like me, you may have failed. Failed to live up to the idealism that you can be all, do all. In a sense, it’s quite unrealistic to set these sorts of goals or dreams for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I know some do actually achieve these sorts of things. And while I congratulate them in the highest honor, they aren’t normal people like us. These are special people you see. People that have no children and likely no spouse, that are provided opportunities that most aren’t, like big college degrees and the chance to rub elbows with some seriously influential folks in Europe, while on a back-packing trip. Back-packing? I’m not exactly sure what it means to back-pack across a country but I do know...I am not interested.

So I guess I say all this to make a point. I know...finally! The things we idealize when we are young are all based primarily on what we see in the world. Our ideas are formed from the garbage that is television. We decide early on that back-packing across Europe and learning second languages and living in big cities are the things we should all aspire to do. And that’s where we made a wrong turn. Our lives should be full of the things we truly need and want. I want love from my children. I want my children to be happy. Not fake, spoiled, sugar induced happy, but genuinely thriving and happy. I want to give back. I love to volunteer. So what if it’s not in a third world country. I enjoy it. It makes a difference. And it makes ME happy. I most definitely am not working in the career I thought I’d have at this season of my life. But I can certainly say, I am doing the hardest work I hope to ever do. Being a mom...shew. Its 24/7 and its tough folks. Even though I am not following some list of life goals to the letter, I find myself searching for true genuine peace and joy. This wasn’t on my list. But I am most grateful for it every day.

So, I finally make my point. (Yeah yeah...a real wind bag I am) You’re breathing. Hopefully you’re smiling. You’ve eaten. You’ve slept, or in my case, you will eventually sleep. I hope that you too have joy and peace in your heart. A feeling of ambition. Everyone has heard that quote, ‘...the world is your oyster...’ and so on and so forth. Ha! I have yet to walk up on a pearl. However, the world is what you make it. Find the time to enjoy music and different food. Sit quietly and think about all the people in your inner circle of life and how they make you smile, and how they infuriate you. I’ve always believed it’s harder to get mad at someone you don’t love than it is to get angry with those you do, because of the love you have for them. So while you are waiting to cross sky-diving and alligator eyes in the Outback off your bucket list, add some to the list. As an adult, you now have the chance to reform your world perspective. Making it your perspective. It really doesn’t matter what the world thinks or is doing. It matters that you have joy and peace and love in your life. 

Side note: I have become fluent in a second language! I originally thought Spanish but I went a different way. You may have heard of Gibberish. It’s the formation of words by a two year old that no matter how full the mouth is with food or how loudly the toddler is crying while speaking; the words can still be made out, only by you. #3. BECOME FLUENT IN A SECOND LANGUAGE.

If you find me

Looking at the world today, I find myself looking for myself out there. strange right? It’s like I fully expect one day to see someone, myself seemingly, and have the light bulb over my head go off. I will finally have ‘found’ me. Crazy, right? Not really though. Because in some sort of sardonic way, you know you feel the same way. Always looking around to find that style or accent or haircut or regime that suits what we think is a fitting simulation of ourselves. This thought elicits the profound use of citations and acronyms made popular by our current generation. Don’t get me wrong. I am a social media user. I’m quite the simpleton compared to my 30-something mom peer group but nonetheless, I have been known to #hashtagsomething #thinkingitmadeitmoreimportant #ormadeitlookcooler. #iamashamed. My apologies. These quirky little anecdotes paired with nifty little keyboard symbols can become quite addictive; and apparently imperative to understanding today’s youth. Where was I? Oh right, the current generation’s obsession with acronyms and hashtags.

I think for a moment about a popular acronym. It can be found on any social media outlet and likely Sharpied across any number of backpacks and locker doors in any one of country’s high schools; YOLO. For those of you who don’t know, and let’s be honest, we that do know, are embarrassed right now; this is an abbreviation for You Only Live Once. Profound, right? No. Not profound. This type of statement, commonly seen as #yolo, is much less profound than it is enigmatic. This is a way for us to be a part of the world, using its slang and little keyboard symbols, appearing relevant, yet hiding behind a few misplaced consonants. While we are out there looking for ourselves, we shadow who we really are behind things of the world, societal norms. I am just as guilty as the next person. Looking for the latest style and the last hairdo, often finding myself lacking because I finally grew my hair out and wouldn’t you know, short is in! Ugh!

There’s a trendy little app online that will answer the question “Which celebrity do you look like?” Just another example of how we are out looking for ourselves, another version, a better, more popular, more significant form of our being. Truth is, this is as good as it gets. I don’t mean to sound nasty, like you are as much as you’ll ever be and well, you’re lacking. What I mean is this: you are the only you that there is. Those being pure and simple fact, stop looking for yourself. You are right there. Hello? Do you see yourself? There you are, the one inhabiting your skin. Be you. You will be paramount. Think about it like this; who is there to compare yourself to, if you are the only you in the world. Oscar Wilde once said ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.’ So, while YOLO (you only live once) and #jby (just be yourself) and KIG (keeping it gansta) are societies norm for describing ourselves or our current mood or self-perception, they are actually partitions to bury ourselves behind. Actually take hold of the concept that you only live once and try to actually be yourself. Use every moment. This day, today, will be the only today you will ever have. While it’s common to hear ‘live today like there’s no tomorrow’, I wouldn’t recommend it. Rather, I would encourage you to live today like there’s no other today and all you will have is tomorrow. How’s that for profound? I see a new trend on the brink. YJGM: You Just Got Mom’ed.  #tryingtobecool #toomanyhashtags #theyaretrulyaddictive #icantstop